Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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