I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
