On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
