Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
