why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
