If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
