so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is my gift to your gina
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
