If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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