K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
