If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
