How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
