Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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