If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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