I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
