Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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