have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
