just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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