dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
