First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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