We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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