oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
