Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
