I accidentally had phone sex last night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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