Having a random hookup so left but love u
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
