We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
