my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
