If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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