He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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