i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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