and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
