I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What a dumb baby whore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
