in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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