Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
