I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My penis needs a shock collar
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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