so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
