i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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