Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
