tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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