dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
