Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
