Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
