She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
