Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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