lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
