I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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