I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
