if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
