and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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