omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
