u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
