everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
