Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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