Plan B is the new Plan A
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
