im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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