it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
