Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
