Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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