I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
