im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
