Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
