Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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