we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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