I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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