last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
