all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ttyl tear gas
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Still dying that you shit outside
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
