Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
