He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
