She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
