I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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