If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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