VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
